Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
