I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
