angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
