so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's always time for handjobs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
