thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
