NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize