i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
