My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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