You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
