The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
