I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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