My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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