Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize