i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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