I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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