As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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