I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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