I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize