At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
