I just cut my nipple shaving
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
