my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
