you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
