i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
