you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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