Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
