Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
