I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I pour the whiskey from now on
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize