Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
