roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im part way to drunk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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