if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
