The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
