And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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