my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
