My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
