I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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