roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
