My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
