planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
