the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
