Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
