Sorry, I don't speak sober.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
