Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
