Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
