When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
