Ambien. No doubt about it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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