my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
