So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
