I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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