remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
