why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
