why didn't you poke me back
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
