i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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