no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
