you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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