are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
