you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
