the condom got lost in my hair
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
