Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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