It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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