If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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