My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
