piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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