God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
