Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
