i jhust puked up my retainher.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
