oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
