I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
