You're my little dorito
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize