I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
