just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
