I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
