You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
