roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
